Part of my daily battle with aging includes all the stuff you're supposed to do to stay youngy like yoga. Of course when you combine an addictive personality with yoga what do you get? Vinyasa syndrome. No, that's not really a thing, but I have it. For those of you who don't do yoga, a "vinyasa" is like a push-up on steroids, because you do it backwards using the weight of your body as resistance. Apparently I went a bit overboard with the vinyasa-ing and ended up with a really sore shoulder. After a three weeks of rest, ice and going to the chiropractor I decided I had better consult an orthopedist because there was this squishy, sore spot on top of my shoulder that wouldn't go away.
So I go to the shoulder guy. He bounces into the room all fresh and dimply. He's blond, tall, cute (in a Dougie kind of way, not a McSteamy/Dreamy way) and YOUNGER THAN ME. He does the doctor meet and greet thing, "you from around here, go to school here, etc.". I say no, I'm actually from Oregon. He says, "oh, are you a Duck?" Embarrassing answer #1, "no, I'm a Beaver." Nice. Of course Doogie McCutie also went to Notre Dame just for a little added humiliation.
So he does the exam, completely ignoring the lovely cami I had on under my granny sweater and sits down to give me his diagnosis. I'm expecting an athlete's diagnosis. Something along the lines of "tendinitis due to over-jockishness" or a "torn ligament due to extreme yoga-goddessness." But that's not what Doogie tells me. Oh no. He looks at me with those sparkly, spectacle-free blue eyes and says with a smile "you may have a little arthritis in that shoulder." Ouchy Doogie. Ouchy. I humbly put my granny sweater back on and skulk out of the office giving him a thanks but no thanks on the offer of a cortisone shot.
Obviously I'm making light of this but it's actually starting to bother me. My grandmother had horrible arthritis in her hands that kept her from enjoying many of the things she loved in life like knitting. My father is an avid cyclist and just had a double hip replacement due to arthritis in those joints. Is this really starting to happen to me now? Exercise is one of the few healthy things in my life that brings me joy. The shoulder wasn't the first, nor I'm sure the last, body part to fail me. I don't run anymore because of pain in my knees and hips. I do only low-impact exercise like spinning and eliptical machines for cardio. It makes me so goddamn angry that I'm willing to do the work and my body isn't willing to come along.
I left Doogie's office and headed straight for the supplement aisle of Whole Foods to buy every gd root or wort I'd ever heard of that is supposed to help inflammation. I bought turmeric, fish oil, ginger and some JointMD stuff. I'll let you know how it goes or if I grow a third nipple. If anyone out there has any other suggestions, bring 'em on!
Oh and that squishy thing? It's a cyst. Doogie told me that if it gets bigger, and I quote, "unsightly", that I could come back and he would reassess it. Yeah, that's gonna happen.
Jessa oh my freakin heck! I see a future columnist here.
ReplyDeleteI hope the supplements give you some relief. Turmeric(sp?) is very good.
Man, that has to hurt.
ReplyDeleteI went to a dentist a few years ago who was also about 28. I, of course, was still only 30 (cough) but nevertheless, it was, ahem, biting. What was worst was when he kept calling me "honey". The last thing you want is for a young DMD calling you "honey" while your bleeding, drooling mouth is open. Loverly.
That's when your leg "slips" off the chair and you knee him in the giblets.
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