I realized recently that I develop crushes on nice people. This is a relatively new phenomenon that coincides exactly with my moving from the left coast of these United States to the right. Growing up in Portland, Oregon I took niceness for granted. Please and thank you were just part of the daily routine. Holding doors open and stopping for pedestrians in crosswalks were not considered freakish behaviors.
The first six weeks I lived in New Jersey I was frequently brought to tears. Not by horrible acts of violence or neglect, but by checkers at grocery stores and gas station attendants who didn't acknowledge that we had just exchanged in a monetary transaction. You give me groceries, I give you money, you say "thanks for shopping at......" It didn't work that way. If I got eye contact I considered it a moral victory. Sometimes I would "Oregon" them and be effusively friendly, talkative, etc. but that mostly resulted in people thinking I was a nut job.
So here we are almost four (oh my god four) years later. My skin is tougher. I drive like it's a contact sport (and often with me it is, but I do leave a note). I rarely cry, unless I have too much wine and a chick flick. But now I have crushes. I'm so attracted to niceness that I fantasize about being around these people just to get more of it. Here are a few of the objects of my affection:
1. The tile man
2. Our PTA President
3. Three baristas at Starbucks
4. Many of my neighbors
5. Numerous mommies (including blogger mommies)
6. A few daddies
7. My neighbor's dog
8. The guy at the bike shop
9. Girlyfriends
10. Countless facebook friends from my past life in nice land.
11. Justin Timberlake - c'mon he does SEEM nice!
I really don't mean this to be a dig on Jersey. It's just different here. In some ways it's good because I appreciate niceness much more and don't take it for granted. It's almost a little disconcerting when I go home for a visit now and people are SO NICE. It takes me a good week or so to adjust. I still try to be myself as much as possible here, even if people do think it's strange. Maybe you can change the world one kind gesture at time? Even in Jersey.
I know exactly what you mean. I grew up in Jersey and took this as a way of life. I had no idea such niceness actually existed elsewhere--when I moved to Portland, OR, I had culture shock for awhile. When a passing stranger would smile at me on the street, I figured they wanted something. It took me the longest time to get used to the check-out person at Fred Meyer's asking me how my day was and actually wanting and caring to know. Jersey definitely isn't the warmest place on earth but I'm glad you found an optimistic side to it. And thank you for bringing some Oregon courtesy and warm-heartedness there. Oh yeah, and some awesomely entertaining shit for me to enjoy.
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks mama d! And you're one of the nicest ex-dirty Jersey girls I know :) And I miss Fred Meyer's!
ReplyDeletei am DEFINITELY nicer, having lived in the south for a few years! but, having lived in the saccharine south, i appreciate the forthrightness (yup, that's what i'm gonna call it) of northerners. at least, for the most part, what you see is what you get.
ReplyDeletehope i see you next week. i'll nice all over ya :)
susie - I have grown to appreciate it as well. It's why all the serial killers and mass murderers come from the West Coast - pent up passive aggressiveness. One day, you just have to let it out ;)
ReplyDeleteI will anxiously await being niced all over next week.