Double your pleasure

The other week (a.k.a. the week of the plummah) I had my own plumbing issues.  It seems that as I age, Aunt Flo is coming with more of a vengeance.  It's like my body is in payback mode for the 5+ years I was either pregnant or nursing and didn't have a period.  So between the plumbing debacles and the monthly visitor I had a big Ghostbusters sign up "down there" (thanks Jodi).  Which caused my husband, who for the record is 10,000 times more funny than me, to make the statement "women need two vaginas."  This in turn has caused me to giggle and fantasize about that possibility ever since.

My husband of course made this into a football analogy.  He says it would be akin to having two running backs in  your backfield.  One is your no-glory, workhorse.  Gets only the short carries but does the job and does it well.  The other is your end-zone loving showboat.  When you need a big, bring-down-the-house return, he (she)'s your man.

This analogy didn't quite work for me, so of course I had to give them personalities.  I fully admit these personalities are complete ethnic stereotypes and are purely for illustrative purposes.  

Think about if you really did have two?  One you could keep nice and pretty, like your favorite party dress.  The other would be like your most comfy pair of jeans and Cosco fleece top.  This is one thing that men just cannot relate to.  Our parts do a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.  Theirs?  Peeing and screwing.  Puh-leaze.  Think of it in terms of nature; what has more going on, a stick or a burrow?

Meet Olga and Kiko

Olga

Olga used to be a russian gymnast, now she just coaches.  She is strong like bull.   She handles all things that come her way stoically and without complaint, for Olga is built to last.  Olga is not unattractive (still has good bone structure) but is more about function than form.

Kiko

Kiko is all milk and honey.  She is the delicate lotus flower.  She is meticulous and always perfect.  But behind closed doors, Kiko is a little bobcat.

I would divide their job responsibilities as follows:

Kiko:

Wedding Night

Vacation sex (every other day, Olga can sub in)

Daytime sex

Doctor appointments

Date Night

Olga:

Childbirth

Aunt Flo

Quickies

Spin Class

Drunken sex (either partner)

Horseback riding

Tight jeans

Going to the beach

Any of the "i's" (irritation, itchiness, infection)

But sadly of course we all only have one.  And mine is not named Olga or Kiko, her name is Jaime Sommers.  But that's a story for another day.