A photo essay

The title of this essay is: 

 "Nah, we didn't really want that tax refund."

 There was an ear in the shower.

Behind the ear, there was water.

Because of the water, there was mold.

Because of the mold, there was stank.

$4000 later there is no ear, no mold and no stank.  And no tax refund.

Orifice update

Ears: 

Tile guy came today. I think I'm in love. Contractor love that is. I'm going to invent projects all over my house that involve tile. He calls when he says he's going to call, comes when he says he's coming, is clean, fast and reasonable. If I know you in real life and you come for a visit, don't be shocked to see a mural of the Portland, Oregon skyline on my living room wall: All in tile.

Here's the condition of the ear laboratory now:

Not as horrifying as I imagined it in my dreams.  In my dreams there were more insects.  He did have to go up a couple rows higher than he should have because of the water seepage, but the support beams look OK.  Next orifice please.

Nose:

Horrified to discover that I went through a spin class, numerous conversations with other mommies, a parent/teacher conference and the kids dentist appointments with a rogue nose hair that was so long it was curling up and around the tip of my nose.  REWIND.

Mouth:

Can't stop putting things in it lately.  Must be getting close to that time.  Also needs to be washed out with soap after cursing the new "no-kinks" hose.  It took me 45 minutes and at least eight f-bombs to get that stupid hose in the wind-up-the-hose box.  Sorry witness-protection-program-neighbor-who-doesn't-talk-so-I-didn't-see-you-weeding-your-lawn-as-I-yelled-obscenities-at-my-hose.

Rest of the orifices:

Dandy. 

I give up

90 degrees outside.  A/C not working, again.  We have a brand new air handler and compressor (thanks to the old one getting struck by lightening). WTF!!!!

My neighbors sister has a saying and I think I might start selling it on t-shirts and bumper stickers:

"Homeownership.  It's the American freakin' nightmare."  

Yes, she is from Jersey.