The deed is done

I did it.  I had "the talk" with the boy.  I think it went pretty well.  I grabbed an opportune moment after school when the little brother was occupied and nonchalantly went to the attic playroom with the book.  I broached the subject by saying "hey, remember how you were dissapointed in science that they didn't explain EVERYTHING about the human body?"  He gave me a worried look.  "Well, I thought I'd explain it to you."

At first he was embarrassed and hid under his blanket and told me to go away.  I didn't make a big deal about it and asked if he wanted to look at the book on his own and then ask me questions.  He kinda hemmed and hawed and half heartedly told me to go away again.  I started flipping through the book on my own and he caught a glimpse of one of the nakey illustrations and he was at my side.

I tried to stay very cool about it, not laugh, but be natural.  Although it was really hard to keep a straight face when he yelled "so dad stuck his penis in YOUR vagina?"  At one point I think the whole discussion was a little titillating to him (as to be expected I guess) and he started looking at me with lusty eyes and grinding his hips (I think I heard a little Barry White in the background).  It provided a good segue into "appropriate" touching, etc.

I told him I'd put the book in his under-the-bed book box so he could look at it on his own too.  I'm relieved that we started the conversation (fully aware that this is just the tip of the iceberg) and I'm glad that I gave him the information, not some random kid at school.  

I knew it went OK when he invited me to play Mario Strikers Soccer afterwards (he completely kicked my ass).    And so far I haven't heard him tell the little brother what their dad did with his you know what.  Only a matter of time...

The TALK

It's time.  My nine year old is wise to the fact that you don't just "get married" and magically have a baby, but I must say that I kept that charade up for a long as possible.  I knew it was time however when he brought up ape/human breeding as an awesome idea for a new species.  Cut to my son 10 years from now at his first college party:

Him:  Hey did you know that we're both primates?

Hot girl:  Um, yeah, I guess so.

Him:  You know what that means don't you?

HG:  No, what?

Him:  We can BREED!

HG:  Whatever dork.

I am committed to the above scenario not happening.  So this is going to be the week.  I think I'm going to read a book with him ("What's the Big Secret") and then open the floor for questions.  Then I'm sure he's going to run and tell his little brother everything which his little brother will not mention again until we're in earshot of someone really embarrassing.

I just hope I can get through it without laughing or completely destroying his dreams of awesome genetic mutations.  I'll let you know how it goes.