Dinnertime

My children are just masquerading as children. I actually believe them to be feral wolf boys that have learned how to work the system. The amount of meat they can consume in one sitting is startling. I'm always walking the line between wanting to satisfy their hunger and clogging their arteries.

Tonight, I'm roasting a chicken (Barefoot Contessa's recipe). Little boy #2 is breathing down my neck for MEAT. Here's the conversation:

Boy #2: Can I PLEASE have a piece of meat!

Me: It's not ready yet.

Boy: (Counts to 20 as fast he can) It's ready!

Me: It doesn't work that way sweet potato.

Boy: Can I just PLEASE HAVE IT?

Me: Go back upstairs, I'll call you when it's ready.

Boy: Yeah, when I'm a skeleton.

Best App Ever

My husband read about this iphone application and decided to try it out on the children.

Here's the husband trying to coerce boy #2 to sing.

And here's boy #1, totally off the cuff singing an ode to warthogs.

We are now accepting offers from agents. Show us the money.

Happy Birthday Boy #1

Big day today. Big boy #1 is into the double digits. I can't believe it. He likes the fact that my age is EXACTLY 30 years more than his age. I don't like this so much anymore.

He came home from school today and announced that he's decided what he wants to be when he grows up: A Scatologist. I'll save you the trip to google:

http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/scatology

I'm thinking of asking for a partial refund of my property taxes.

Bigger problems.

My boys and I were in the bathroom the other night "brushing and peeing" (I was supervising, not participating). We were all looking at our reflections in the mirror. My older son has scratches all over his face from his overly enthusiastic love of our new bunny ("I will love him, and squeeze him and call him George....") My younger son has a ring around his mouth caused by his new transitory tick of childhood; incessant licking. And I, of course, have zit scabs.

So I'm slathering all of our faces up with Neosporin and say something like "sheesh, I can't believe I have so many zits, it's just not fair." And my loving son says:

"Yeah, you have so many other things to worry about like wrinkles and double chins and arthritis!"

(My evil fantasy reply)

"No kidding! Not to mention that whole 2012 end of the world thing? It's totally happening. G'night honey!"