Weekend Update

Whew!  What a week right?  It's been really hard for me to sit down and write this week for so many reasons.   Part of me felt that with the monumental changes going on in our country it was almost disrespectful to write about the silly, unimportant crap I normally write about.  And, I've been "giving of myself" this week at my son's school which has taken an enormous amount of time and energy.  I'm in a place of trying to figure out how to make the most of my time & talents that contributes to my family and the world at the same time.  Anyone out there have suggestions?  I'm all ears.

I have figured out a few things.  Fitness is a passion of mine, specifically yoga, spinning and training.  I need to do something with this.  I have been talking forever about getting certified to teach spin and finally did it.  I'm doing the training on February 7th!  Very excited and terrified about teaching.  I have no problem speaking in front of thousands of people, but the thought of leading a spin class of 30 peeps freaks me out!  What if I hyperventilate and fall off the bike?  What if I fart?

I've also been teaching yoga at my son's school during indoor lunch periods.  This has been amazing.  Last week I had 40+ third graders in a hallway doing yoga and they were SILENT.  I am not shitting you.  I have some girls in my classes that are my absolute inspiration to keep coming back.  These are mostly african american girls who have never done yoga but are completely into it.  I watch them getting into the poses, the relaxation, the connection of mind/body/breathing and it touches me.  They say things like "I can feel myself getting stronger already" and "I love the third eye, it's so relaxing" and thank me so sincerely for coming and want to know EXACTLY when I'm coming back.  I hadn't ever considered being a yoga teacher, but after this experience I just might.  

The other thing I've figured out is that I do love to write and I love to make people laugh.  When someone makes a comment on my blog that I made them laugh out loud, it absolutely carries me through the day.  That's the other reason that I haven't blogged much this week, I just haven't felt funny.  I've felt reflective.  I'm sure this won't last.

I would like to say thanks to everyone that comes and visits this blog.  It has been a gift to me to have this place to air my silliness, stories, fears and bitches.  Politically, I am an Independent and don't align myself with either extreme of the spectrum.  But I do sincerely believe one thing that our new President talks about frequently and that is that we are all in this together.

I'm ready.

Hijacked by Hummus

One of the bloggers I follow, mamasweat, recently posted about workout "hijackers" or the things that get in your way of getting it done.  This morning I was hijacked by hummus.

I had every intention of going to my favorite 7:30 a.m. spin class.  The problem is I bought the garlic hummus at Whole Foods last night.  I love garlic, but this stuff is a little out of control.  The ratio of clove:chickpea must be 1:1.  When I woke up this morning I swear it tasted like I still had a dollop on my tongue.

I was not going to be THAT person in spin today.  The one everyone goes home and blogs about in the post entitled "Vampires beware of my spin class."

If you come to my spinning class, please don't

1.  Gyrate

2.  Sing

3.  Make me look at the crack of your ass

4.  Fart more than once

OK, before I go off on a rant here, let me just say this first.  If you are overweight, out of shape, uncoordinated or just plain goofy and I see you at my gym I will never EVER make fun of you.   But if you have any combo of three of the five following characteristics (or fart more than once), you are fair game:

1. Fake lips

2. Fake tan

3. Fake boobs

4. Fake hair

5. You wear your gym pants at half mast.

Spinning is the closest thing I have right now to a religious experience.  Yes, this is about me.  So - to the two "Dancing Elaine meets Running Phoebe" spinners who are determined to be distracting as all hell QUIT YOUR IDIOTIC JERKING AND CONVULSING ON YOUR BIKE.  You do not look good.  You do not have rhythm.  You are not turning anyone on with that silliness.  Also, as a hopeful future spinning instructor, the last time I was next to you I kept thinking you were falling off the freakin' bike and was ready to assist.  Stop that!  If you need to move and shake your groove thang might I suggest a nice cardio dance class?

To the singer(s).  You don't know the words.  Stop pretending you do and making the people in the first row look back and think it's me making that horrible noise.

And to the woman who has given me the view of her asscrack for the past two classes.  I think I may have a water bottle malfunction in the near future and give you a little somthin' somthin' down there.

Of course last, but by all means not least, the farters.  I am a forgiving person.  We all have slippage every once and awhile.  But here's where you differ from the rest of us.  You smelled it too the first time.  You know the evil that resides inside.  Unless you suffer from some war injury that has cut off all feeling to your lower body you have no excuse in my mind but to remove yourself and visit the restroom or take a walk outside the next time the feeling moves you.  These are small, stuffy rooms with people already gasping for breath.  Not nice.