If this is halfway...god help me.

I started making a mental list of my ailments over the past few months:

1. Kidney Stones

2. Scratched Cornea

3. Eye Floaters

4. Herniated Disc

5. Pre-arthritic knee & shoulder

Is this my list or Ed Asners? Good lord. 80 isn't looking so good.

I do feel much better after kicking that medicine to the curb. Not better physically but at least I'm not looking to give away my prized possessions and watching reruns of Six Feet Under anymore.

Ironically, the thing I miss the most is running. I have running dreams now like my Golden Retriever used to (I wonder if I twitch my paws in my sleep like he did?). I started Physical Therapy on Monday so we'll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I made an elliptical machine my bitch over the weekend. I guarantee that thing hadn't seen action like that recently. There's a reason people don't lose weight using those things - it takes SERIOUS effort to get your heart rate up high enough to do a decent interval.

My message to anyone reading this is please don't take your body for granted. USE it! TRAIN it! ENJOY it!

Wallowing

I know I haven't blogged for AGES, but I really need a place to place to vent, have a pity party (complete with a disco ball that rains tears and a laser light show that just flashes the word "FUCK" over and over), to speak my mind and basically get over myself. I'm sure I have no readers left at this point because I've been such a lame ass blogger, but maybe it's better that way.

If any of you are actually reading this and do know me and/or read my blog you KNOW how much fitness and training are a huge part of my life. Since November, I've been doing Crossfit, which has added a whole new dimension to my training. I've felt stronger and more fit than ever. Until a month ago.

All of a sudden I had numbness in my left hand and weakness in my left arm. Long, boring story short I have a herniated disk in my neck (C6). Not a HUGE deal medically, but psychologically a HUGE bummer. I can't do any exercise with any impact (no running, bouncing, jumping) and no lifting (sniff). When the doctor told me I could STILL do the elliptical machine I wanted to punch him in his face. Except I'm not supposed to punch either.

We're treating it conservatively right now with rest, anti-inflammatories and therapy. If that doesn't work, we go to more invasive options. He also prescribed a nerve medication for the numbness and tingling in my hand and arm called Gabapentin (Neuronitin). Side effects include: Suicide. I've taken it for three days and I think I'm done. Not liking the way it makes me feel (lethargic) and all around craptastic. Plus, it just masks the symptoms, does nothing to cure the condition. Our flex savings kicks in again in July so I'm going back to the acupuncturist.

The whole thing really makes me sad. And what does it say about me that I'm not happy unless I can do everything physical that I want to do when I want to do it? I had huge plans for the summer, was signed up for more events, wanted to do more surfing lessons, wanted to push myself to the next level in Crossfit. Now I just feel lost and in limbo.

I think about soldiers coming back from overseas without limbs, people fighting chronic illnesses etc. and it makes me feel like the biggest whiner in the world. I know this too shall pass, one way or another. But maybe it's time for a little more balance in my life? Or to find a few other things besides working out that bring the same level of satisfaction? I thought about going to the local animal shelter and seeing if I could walk dogs. That sounds pretty great :)

It is the last summer I have with my older son before he goes to middle school. Maybe this is my message from the universe to soak him up? On that note, we're off to the wolf preserve. Woof.

Beautiful

I know that I wax on about stupid, vain & trivial things in this blog A LOT. I'm really not a negative person or as cynical or shallow as I may come across sometimes. Humor (and alcohol) are just my coping mechanisms. Laughing about hairs growing out of my --insert inappropriate & horrifying location here-- is just my way of dealing with the fact that things beyond my control are happening. To my body. All the time.

I love life. I really do believe that growing older is a privilege (thank you Laura Linney for those words). But don't worry , I WILL still make fun of it a little along the way. But I will never, ever forget to be grateful. Thank you Alice.

BOO!

I don't care if all of these are always the same. I don't care how many times I see a kid scream when the pumpkin headed scarecrow comes to life, I still laugh out loud. Hopefully you do too.




BTW - Based on the state of my complexion these days, I think I'll be going as a Crack Whore this Halloween. All I need is a pipe, some baking soda, a few dirty kids and I'm good to go.

One cool kitty

File this post under "learn from my misfortune and stupidity."

IF you're ever in the shower and run out of soap,
AND you decide to use your shampoo as an all over body wash,
DON'T use the Aveda Rosemary and Mint.

There are certain body parts that simply don't enjoy the burning, I mean cooling and tingling sensation.

I'm this excited

I'm too tired to write about it right now, but it has to do with swimming, me and not dying. I'll tell you all about it this week after I emerge from my coma.

Cleanzed

A friend of mine brought it to my attention that I never completed the loop on my cleanse post. My bad. I know that I left off on day 9. I guess the cleanse didn't fix my memory problem so I can't give you day 10 - 14 day by day, but I'll try and summarize.

Upsides:

Weight loss: Lost 3.5 lbs when it was all said and done. Not too shabby for 14 days. I felt like the "puffiness" was gone. My waist seemed to magically reappear.

Hydration: I felt like my overall hydration was much improved. I think this is a big part of the puffiness reduction (flushing excess water & toxins out). When I would swim I wouldn't end up with raccoon eyes for hours afterwards.

Energy & Clarity: I was ready to write a doctorial thesis or solve some serious world issues every night around 11:30 p.m. Apparently I was also ready to annoy the crap out of my husband.

Hunger: Was pretty non-existent. I did miss the joy that I have eating and drinking certain things but I kept telling myself I could do anything for 14 days.

Addictions: The day after the cleanse was over I could have had coffee and I didn't. That was a BIG change. I have gone back to having coffee, but it doesn't have the hold on me that it did before the cleanse. From a boozing perspective, it was a good thing for me to fill my nights with other enjoyable things that didn't include drinking.

Appearance: This is probably a complete figment of my imagination or some weird wine-withdrawal symptom, but I felt like I looked younger when I looked in the mirror. Whatever it was, I liked it.

Downsides:

Exercise and Stamina: I DO NOT advise doing this cleanse if you are doing any kind of intense athletic training. I was at a critical point in my triathlon training when I decided to do this cleanse. STOOPID. You will be in a caloric deficit. There were times I just didn't have anything in the tank. If I do this again I will only do restorative exercise during the cleanse like walking and yoga.

Bottom line: I think this is a good cleanse. I would do it again and I've brought elements of it into my life on a regular basis (the smoothies, the hot lemon water in the morning).

Final Verdict?

Mikey Likes It!