5 Freakin' Years

Everything we owned in the world was on a truck. Including our cars. I had locked up the house we loved for the last time and said goodbye to the garden with the blueberry bush that my son loved to graze on, the garden shed that looked like a barn complete with its own imaginary cow that lived inside it ("Po-Pa-Pee"). I said goodbye to my parents who lived a mere eight blocks away. I said goodbye to the zip code I'd lived in more or less since 1972.

We were moving to Jersey. Five years ago today we left one of the most desirable places in the country to live (Portland, Oregon) and moved to freakin' Jersey. The boys were five and 18 months - mind boggling.

Our day of travel flat out sucked. There were thunderstorms (Thunderstorm? What's a thunderstorm?) on the East Coast that delayed us for 5 hours in Seattle. We got into Newark after 1 a.m . Then had (insert snarkiest, most sarcastic voice here) AWESOME service at the rental car counter. We got lost on the way to our corporate housing and ended up paying a homeless man in Newark to at least point us in the right direction. We put the kids down at 3:30 a.m.

There are so many stories from those first few months. I was moved to tears more than once in the early days because it seemed so foreign; there was what felt to me like a lack of humanity. I'd never lived somewhere so scrappy, so cutthroat (at least on the freeways) or where people are so DIRECT. In many ways it was more of a culture shock then when I lived in Denmark.

But here we are five years later and you know what? I would do it all over again. Here's why:

1. Change is good. I really believe this now. I was content and happy in Portland. I was also deathly afraid of change. I could have easily stayed there for the rest of my life but I think I would have woken up one day at 60 or 70 and realized that my fears held me back. I have a resiliency now that wasn't there before (and it takes A LOT to make me cry).
2. I know my kids. Before we moved I worked flex time (which usually pushed more towards full time). I had a nanny that knew the parents at my sons preschool better than I did. Part of the decision to move included the fact that I could stay home with the boys. I will never, ever take this for granted. I've been a class parent every year, on the PTA board and involved in my kids lives every single day.
3. Friendship. When I was balancing work with two tiny kids I had very little time to cultivate friendships. I was in survival mode much of the time. I have made some of the best friendships of my life here and have enjoyed the company of some of the most amazing women I've ever met (and their husbands are pretty great too). I continue to meet interesting people from all walks of life that I never would have had the opportunity to had I stayed in my own little corner of the world. AND I value and cherish my longtime friends more than ever. Thank god for facebook and frequent flyer miles. It's easy to take our friends for granted when they live a mile away. Move 2500 miles away and you'll cherish every minute.
4. The gift of time. Having room to think and breathe has been a true gift. I'm never without a to do list (or a dirty something) but I don't have the time constraints of my former life. I feel much more creative, more balanced and more in tune with my own strengths than ever.
5. Perspective. We like to think we are one, united country and in many ways that's true, but there are stark differences from region to region. I came from the wide open west, founded by pioneers with a live and let live mentality. Those roots are still evident there (i.e. why of course there's a naked bike ride through Portland every year, why wouldn't there be?). There's three times as many people in Jersey than Oregon in WAY less space and an immigrant mentality that still pervades - I gotta get mine (my seat on the train, my place in the grocery line, my spot in the front row of body pump) before someone else nabs it. When you stop fighting this and embrace it and the people that surround you, it gives you a perspective and an understanding that is somewhat peaceful. I get them. I'll never be like them completely, but I get them.

Those are the big 5. There's other good things about Jersey and LOTS of things I miss terribly about Oregon but I feel so lucky. Lucky to love people all over this country. Lucky to be loved.

So when change hits you in the face, take a deep breath and open yourself up to the possibility of it. You just never know what might happen.

You had me at hello

I realized recently that I develop crushes on nice people. This is a relatively new phenomenon that coincides exactly with my moving from the left coast of these United States to the right. Growing up in Portland, Oregon I took niceness for granted. Please and thank you were just part of the daily routine. Holding doors open and stopping for pedestrians in crosswalks were not considered freakish behaviors.

The first six weeks I lived in New Jersey I was frequently brought to tears. Not by horrible acts of violence or neglect, but by checkers at grocery stores and gas station attendants who didn't acknowledge that we had just exchanged in a monetary transaction. You give me groceries, I give you money, you say "thanks for shopping at......" It didn't work that way. If I got eye contact I considered it a moral victory. Sometimes I would "Oregon" them and be effusively friendly, talkative, etc. but that mostly resulted in people thinking I was a nut job.

So here we are almost four (oh my god four) years later. My skin is tougher. I drive like it's a contact sport (and often with me it is, but I do leave a note). I rarely cry, unless I have too much wine and a chick flick. But now I have crushes. I'm so attracted to niceness that I fantasize about being around these people just to get more of it. Here are a few of the objects of my affection:

1. The tile man
2. Our PTA President
3. Three baristas at Starbucks
4. Many of my neighbors
5. Numerous mommies (including blogger mommies)
6. A few daddies
7. My neighbor's dog
8. The guy at the bike shop
9. Girlyfriends
10. Countless facebook friends from my past life in nice land.
11. Justin Timberlake - c'mon he does SEEM nice!

I really don't mean this to be a dig on Jersey. It's just different here. In some ways it's good because I appreciate niceness much more and don't take it for granted. It's almost a little disconcerting when I go home for a visit now and people are SO NICE. It takes me a good week or so to adjust. I still try to be myself as much as possible here, even if people do think it's strange. Maybe you can change the world one kind gesture at time? Even in Jersey.