Grrrrrrumpy

On a normal day, this picture would inspire me. Today it just pisses me off.

I set a new record for gluttonous behavior this holiday season. Not happy with myself whatsoever.

Not to mention PMS.

So Gwenny, my birthday-sharing sista:

SUCK IT.

The broccoli pretty much sums it up.

I will warn you now, if you are offended by swearing this is not the post for you.  I am so, so, so angry at myself that this could get ugly and fast.  This is going to sound stupid and petty and every other synonym for the word petty but it's because of the six pounds I gained over the last four weeks.  I KNOW that six pounds is not the end of the world.  But here's why I'm so mother fucking pissed off.

Since turning 35 or so losing weight (for me) has been akin to climbing Mt. Everest or cracking the human genome.  All possible, but really goddamn hard.  After I had both kids I lost the weight but had started about 8 lbs. heavier than I'd been most of my adult life.  So last Spring I set a goal to finally, once and for all, lose those 8 lbs.  It was kind of like a personal challenge.  And I did it.  And it wasn't easy.  But the way my body works is that once I get to a plateau it's relatively easy for me to stay there unless I completely lose my fucking mind, which apparently is what I did.

It was almost like I was testing myself.  With every giant holiday bag of M & M's I bought, with every 2nd and 3rd (and shut up) glass of wine, with the pecan pie...the list is endless...  I kept weighing myself everyday throughout the holidays and wasn't gaining any weight and I got cocky.  Then, and I kid you not, January 1st I step on the scale and it's SIX PIECE OF SHIT POUNDS.  I am not a tall or big boned person, six pounds shows up.  For you mathematicians out there this is more than a 5% increase.  I have this vision of all the fat cells holding their breath until they get the signal (I think Dick Clark gives it) and then they puff up like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park that ironically kills the fat guy.

So because this is my form of a diary and my place to air things, I am going to use some feeling words now.  I feel pissed.  I feel stupid.  I feel like I let myself down.  I feel like I should have known better.  I feel lazy.  I feel the button on my pants boring into my gut.

I feel like angry broccoli.