If this is halfway...god help me.

I started making a mental list of my ailments over the past few months:

1. Kidney Stones

2. Scratched Cornea

3. Eye Floaters

4. Herniated Disc

5. Pre-arthritic knee & shoulder

Is this my list or Ed Asners? Good lord. 80 isn't looking so good.

I do feel much better after kicking that medicine to the curb. Not better physically but at least I'm not looking to give away my prized possessions and watching reruns of Six Feet Under anymore.

Ironically, the thing I miss the most is running. I have running dreams now like my Golden Retriever used to (I wonder if I twitch my paws in my sleep like he did?). I started Physical Therapy on Monday so we'll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I made an elliptical machine my bitch over the weekend. I guarantee that thing hadn't seen action like that recently. There's a reason people don't lose weight using those things - it takes SERIOUS effort to get your heart rate up high enough to do a decent interval.

My message to anyone reading this is please don't take your body for granted. USE it! TRAIN it! ENJOY it!

Wallowing

I know I haven't blogged for AGES, but I really need a place to place to vent, have a pity party (complete with a disco ball that rains tears and a laser light show that just flashes the word "FUCK" over and over), to speak my mind and basically get over myself. I'm sure I have no readers left at this point because I've been such a lame ass blogger, but maybe it's better that way.

If any of you are actually reading this and do know me and/or read my blog you KNOW how much fitness and training are a huge part of my life. Since November, I've been doing Crossfit, which has added a whole new dimension to my training. I've felt stronger and more fit than ever. Until a month ago.

All of a sudden I had numbness in my left hand and weakness in my left arm. Long, boring story short I have a herniated disk in my neck (C6). Not a HUGE deal medically, but psychologically a HUGE bummer. I can't do any exercise with any impact (no running, bouncing, jumping) and no lifting (sniff). When the doctor told me I could STILL do the elliptical machine I wanted to punch him in his face. Except I'm not supposed to punch either.

We're treating it conservatively right now with rest, anti-inflammatories and therapy. If that doesn't work, we go to more invasive options. He also prescribed a nerve medication for the numbness and tingling in my hand and arm called Gabapentin (Neuronitin). Side effects include: Suicide. I've taken it for three days and I think I'm done. Not liking the way it makes me feel (lethargic) and all around craptastic. Plus, it just masks the symptoms, does nothing to cure the condition. Our flex savings kicks in again in July so I'm going back to the acupuncturist.

The whole thing really makes me sad. And what does it say about me that I'm not happy unless I can do everything physical that I want to do when I want to do it? I had huge plans for the summer, was signed up for more events, wanted to do more surfing lessons, wanted to push myself to the next level in Crossfit. Now I just feel lost and in limbo.

I think about soldiers coming back from overseas without limbs, people fighting chronic illnesses etc. and it makes me feel like the biggest whiner in the world. I know this too shall pass, one way or another. But maybe it's time for a little more balance in my life? Or to find a few other things besides working out that bring the same level of satisfaction? I thought about going to the local animal shelter and seeing if I could walk dogs. That sounds pretty great :)

It is the last summer I have with my older son before he goes to middle school. Maybe this is my message from the universe to soak him up? On that note, we're off to the wolf preserve. Woof.